CRAP!
by XxMeli J NightlyxX
Summary: *ONESHOT* Crap is not a lady like word. What happens when Relena loses something that potentially might harm her career? rated T just to be sure... PLEASE R


**Disclamer: **I do not own Gundam Wing or any of its characters, this is purely fan made. Sue me… just try it you won't get CRAP!

_**CRAP**_

By

Meli J Nightly

Crap, is not a lady like word. Indeed an improper word for someone like me. But right at this very moment I want to say more than just CRAP. Why is that? You may ask. Well simple enough, right at this very moment someone is possibly holding my whole future in their hands. Everything I've worked so hard for…my whole image would be shattered. I could imagine the headlines in big and bold letters for tomorrow: "Former Queen of the World Uncovered Literally!"

I looked everywhere, absolutely everywhere. In my drawers, my closet which by the way I had never noticed until now how huge it is… and not to mention on how unaware I was of all those pink outfits. Leaving that aside…

"Maybe under the mattress," I said to myself while searching there, but no such luck.

That was it, I couldn't find it. Where on earth could it be? It didn't just come alive and walked away by itself. I could feel my knees shaking, fearing the worst. What if someone did get to it? What if I was blackmailed for my whole life?

The worst of them all was… What will happen when _they _see it?

My face was getting red, I could feel it. It's getting hotter… or is it just me? I lump down on my bed, more frightening thoughts coming to mind. "He's going to kill me, I just know it," I mumble.

How did I end up in such a predicament?

Ah, yes, I remember. It was utter lack of judgment, a stupid and innocent … well not so innocent mistake. Never the less he can't take all the blame; I was the one who agreed. There was no way I could have said no, not with him.

Just when I was thinking on how I was going to tell him, Dorothy comes in with a smirk on her face. My heart jumped in anxiety, "You found it?!"

"No," she answered but still she did not wipe that smirk on her face. "But I did find this…" she pulled up a pair of fluffy pink handcuffs, "I didn't know you were into that," she burst into fits of laughter.

I however was not amused; I puffed undignified by her actions, "that is not what we're looking for Dorothy."

"Well excuse me for picking up after your mess… and finding something fun at the side," she added oh so dramatically. "Honestly Relena what were you thinking…-"

I cut her off by putting my hand to her mouth, I knew where she was going and I didn't want anyone else finding out, it was enough I told her. "Hush, you. Are you crazy? These walls have ears… I don't even know if someone from here took it." I explained almost in a whisper.

She removed my hand and gasped for air, "Well it was your fault from the beginning. How could you leave something like that in the open? Anyone could've taken it… one of your bodyguards, a maid."

My frustration became more evident and my knees began to fail on me yet again. "I need to lie down," I said warily. Honestly I thought she was going to reprehend me for being so impulsive from the beginning, but who am I kidding, this is Dorothy we are talking about here. However I had no choice but to ask her to aid me in this moment of tragedy, just like I needed _his _help. If anyone could help me find anything other than Dorothy Catalonia, it was _him_.

Both he and Dorothy had a talent of knowing where my things were, oddly enough better than myself. Despite the fact the that they had different reasons, Dorothy just loved to pry in my personal belongings, as for him, he just wanted to make sure I didn't have anything dangerous… although he might like to be inquisitive also.

Dorothy was giving another thorough look in my room, but she was having the same luck as I did. She bumped her head on stand she probably miscalculated, "Crap!" She exclaimed the not so lady like word, I couldn't blame her though. I chuckled at her expense and she hit me with an icy yet playful glare.

"So how did you end up doing something so-"She was searching for the right word.

"Avant-garde?" I asked trying to end her question.

"Kinky." Okay so maybe she wasn't trying to _find the right word. _

I roll my eyes at her but decide to amuse her anyhow, "I told him he could ask me for anything in his birthday; however it completely shocked me when he asked for _THAT_!"

"I bet you it made you want to buy something for him in the first place," she gave a malicious grin. This wasn't helping at all as soon I was about to let out a sigh, he came in.

"What's going on? What's the emergency?" He had been clearly running and was short of breath, but who wouldn't after running across the whole mansion. He approached me and touched my face very gently; his eyes showed me that he was worried sick.

"I lost it." Tears forming on my eyes, I knew he was going to tell me that I was reckless. He did tell me to put it away on a safe and secure place. He looked back at me confused, "You lost what?" He dared to ask.

"I lost _IT_!" I repeated myself. He still looked bewildered, I let out a sigh of exasperation, "The video disk we made Duo! Remember last night…." I was so embarrassed I couldn't say anymore specially in front of Dorothy. But she had imagined worst scenarios for that video anyway, I could tell by that smug grin she had plastered all over her façade.

"Oh…oh! The video… How could you lose it?" There it was, what I was expecting.

"I'm sorry, I don't know how-" I began explaining myself but was suddenly cut short.

"Wait a minute… you mean the video we made _LAST NIGHT_?" He asked once again.

He was obviously out of it or hadn't been listening to a word I said. I was getting more and more frustrated, I nodded and gave him a glare which could almost compare to Heero's, I guess bad habits do stick.

"Okay… babe calm down. You don't have to worry, you see, I have it." He acknowledged in his well known carefree tone. I took some time to take in those words and tried to calm down. I had to behave and not let my emotions get the best of me. Or not…

"You crappy bastard!!" I bellowed. I had panicked and almost had a heart attack and he had it!?

"Crappy bastard? That's a new one…" he joked, Dorothy was enjoying herself a little too much also, but I was in no mood for jokes.

"I'm sorry to have worried you Lena, but I thought about what you said yesterday and realized how dangerous it would've been if someone got their hands on it. So I decided to take it home with me to dispose of it later. I was about to do that, when you called all panicky and frighten, so I thought something really bad had happened, I came here as fast as I could." As he explained he made me sit on my bed, he did the same. He caressed my hair gently and in a comforting way, I just couldn't stay mad at him any longer.

I placed my head on his shoulder and felt relieved that it was Duo who had it all along; I wouldn't have been able to bare the shame if someone else had seen it.

"Well there goes the mystery and there goes my fun," Dorothy muttered. "I'll be going now and leave you two lovebirds alone…oh and before you 'dispose of it', you should make a copy for it, I would pay any price to see you two in action," she cackled on her way out.

"Dorothy!" I cried out, not believing what she had just said.

"Don't worry about it babe, it's safely put away. I left it in a case of one of my favorite movies… OH CRAP!"

"Oh crap?!" I repeated just to make sure that I heard correctly.

"Oh crap…"he said again in a lower tone.

"Duo Maxwell… what does oh crap mean?" I urged him to explain.

X.x.x.X.x.x.X.x.x.X

Quatre hummed a happy tune while he looked for the movie he had asked Duo to borrow. The braided pilot had praised it so much; he figured it must be worth watching, especially now that he had convinced someone to watch it with him. Before Duo left in a rush he had managed to ask him to let him borrow it and told him to help himself, so he did.

"Oh here it is."He said to no one in particular, finally finding the movie out of Duo's huge collection. He ran back to the living area where he was to play the movie.

"I found it Heero," Quatre said cheerfully.

Heero merely nodded. He watched as Quatre placed the disc on the player and finally he sat down on the same couch. "Why did you ask me to watch this with you and not Trowa?" Heero asked out of pure curiosity.

"Because you know how he is always silent and doesn't talk much," the blond began his explanation, Heero nodded so he continued, "Well it seems his silence doesn't apply to movie watching. Honestly, he's my friend and all, but he's never quiet in a movie. Always critizing the storyline and effects, saying that the monsters never look real and so on and so on…"

Heero couldn't help letting out a small smile, it was true that Trowa wasn't the best company when it came to watching movies. "And don't let me get started on Wufei. If someone dies he says it's an injustice, especially if it's a good guy or something. If it's a horror movie he says he can't believe they're really that stupid to not find out who's doing all the killing and when they do find out he also says it's an injustice the way the bad guy dies." Quatre sighed after explaining and blushed a little after what he thought of next, "And to be honest with you, I get frightened when I watch horror movies by myself, so you're the only one I could think of."

"Hn. I see," Heero complied and made himself more conferrable as he waited for Quatre to start the movie.

As soon as he pressed the play button they noticed it was no ordinary movie and it's actors looked very familiar…

"Duo I told you to put the camera on the other side," Relena's complaining voice could be heard, but Duo's face was the one being seen fixing the angle of the camera.

"Why does it matter?" Duo inquired as he made his way to his lover's bed.

"Because I look fat from that side!" She manifested displeased.

"Oh crap…" Quatre and Heero said in unison. Neither of them however made a move to stop the home made movie.

_Owari_

X.x.x.x.X.x.x.x.X

Well that's that, I hope you enjoyed it! I know the title seemed weird probably not the best title ever but it was all in good humor. It was my first attempt at a one shot. Please Read and Review!! I would really appreciate it if you did! Onegai!!


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